The Hero's Story (5)- What Makes a Man Live

'I believe such daily heroic actions are not exceptional phenomena but rather general principles. Everything appears wondrous to my eyes. There are countless reasons for plans to go awry and cooperation to break down. Yet, amidst all this, people who are hurt still come together to accomplish something. They truly deserve sincere praise and respect. Their deeds are miracles made of courage and perseverance, and they continue unabated at this very moment.' 

And one more thing to mention: when I first arrived at my unit, it was known for its severe irrationality, rumored within the battalion to be the worst. (I think there was a specific name for it, but I don't remember exactly now.) Thanks to that, I ended up cleaning the dirtiest toilets by myself for about a month. The first place I was assigned had truly filthy bathrooms. And, as I'll mention later (as many currently serving would probably agree), soldiers often face difficult situations due to bathrooms or showers. Fortunately, now that I'm in the comfort of my home, that also is something to be thankful for. Anyway, not just cleaning but I ended up taking on nearly all the difficult tasks and commonly avoided chores. To put it in military terms, I started to "gain seasoning," haha. I guess it couldn't be helped since it was an irrational unit, haha. The influence of being a newbie played a big part, too. They continued the cycle of irrationality.

Still, to be fair, looking at my diary from that time, I find records like this:
"I'm thankful for being able to watch TV, Thank you, read books, Thank you, greet someone without saluting,Thank you, have the strength to endure tough training,Thank you, have free time each day,Thank you, go to the PX,Thank you, have physical training time, Thank you, have weekends, Thank you, have a library, Thank you, use the washing machine, Thank you, play soccer, and Thank you, for delicious meals..." There's a list of things to be grateful for, things that were either impossible or difficult to do in training camp. I've been thankful for each day from training camp until discharge, and actually, even now after my service. Of course, I was not without gratitude before, but ironically, the military is where I truly learned to be thankful. It was in the army that I genuinely felt what gratitude was. Sure, there were tough times before I enlisted (even periods much harder than the military), but those were hard because those places were hellish, not because something was lacking. It was in the military that I learned what lack means—being cold, hungry, poorly clothed, sleeping in the cold, hands freezing, being deprived of sleep, etc.I vividly learned what physical deprivation means. And I learned to be thankful a lot.

After being assigned to my unit, I became even more engrossed in reading books and solving problems. Naturally, I started reading many more books than during training camp and continued to read a vast amount until my discharge. Fortunately, and thankfully, right next to the barracks I was assigned to, there was a library established by a major corporation. (It was really right next door.) The library was quite small to be called a library but had a decent collection of books and, more importantly, was clean. So, in the military, I also spent a lot of time in the library. And I would solve difficult problems by hand whenever I had spare moments.

And thankfully, I also actively utilized study lights. In the military, I studied hard for English and passed significant English tests, solved more math problems, and solidified my foundation in calculus. Even with duties, chores, cleaning, and training, if you split and split time, you can find moments to improve yourself. After smartphone was allowed, I used meditation apps for meditation, memorized English words, practiced English sentences repeatedly, solved SAT problems, played Go against computers, and used fitness apps to keep track of my workouts diligently. This allowed me to engage in activities that robustly developed my body and mind in many ways.

Looking back at those records, I realized I had grown significantly during that time also. As I've written in those records, the military was where I deeply learned about gratitude, where I gained so much experience that I could grow spiritually. It was also where I solved calculus problems, enjoyed solving math problems, and improved my English.

Truly like me, the true hero. 
"The training on mortar weapon hell week has now all been completed. It passed in a blur, almost indistinguishably fast. The mortar weapon hell week was no joke. Having already overcome significant training, I was able to feel a new realm of experience. When difficulties of this magnitude come, even the strongest might want to give up. Honestly, it was that hard. Nevertheless, I can only sincerely thank the 'causa sui' for safely getting through it to this point."
"We learn not only through intellect but also through emotions and experiences. After experiencing the mortar weapon hell week, I wanted to become an atheist. Honestly, my experiences allowed me to see reality too clearly for anything positive to take root in my mind. I no longer feel any emotional change from merely beautiful nonsense. I've learned that it's not the truth. I don't want to be deceived by beautiful but empty faith.
I now think there is no god. It might be seen as endlessly negative thinking. But considering my experience with the mortar weapon hell week and my time in first hell game, isn't it more odd to be positive?"
My time in high school was the first hell game. And during the mortar weapon hell week, I faced what death was head-on. (I could describe what I experienced during the standard-issue weapons training, but it's something that can't be fully expressed just by that. If you're curious, I recommend going through it yourself in the military, especially firing mortars, I wish you double luck, haha.) Schopenhauer said, "The best experience for becoming a good person is to have a near-death experience." What I felt during my first experience with the mortar weapon hell week was precisely that. It was as if I was facing my own death, feeling throughout my body, "So, this is how I could die." Maybe if I had been more accustomed to it by the time I went for the standard-issue weapons, I wouldn't have felt it so intensely. But because of the timing of my first experience (there were reasons for it at the time), I felt it more strongly. In fact, I went to standard-issue weapons training a total of three times until my discharge. But the time I felt it to this extent was only during the first. During my time as a senior soldier and sergeant, I could take it much easier, almost like Rambo? (Of course, this's a joke. I've never watched a Rambo movie, haha.) Anyway, going through the standard-issue weapons training allowed me to experience a lot of changes in my attitude towards life, my perspective, among other things.

Therefore, during my military service, I became the only person who had personally handled and fired all four types of weapons. (In fact, I was the only one in the entire regiment. If you extend it to the division, maybe, but I think there would be quite some in the entire army who had handled and fired more than four types of weapons during their service.) To reach the level of handling and firing each of the four weapons, I had to train tirelessly on assembling/disassembling each one, to the point where I could do it blindfolded in the middle of the night. In fact, I could assemble/disassemble all four weapons while in the military, even in complete darkness. You might think it's a joke or an exaggeration, but it's not. And it was entirely possible. And not just theoretically acquiring the knowledge, but to actually fire all four, you needed a bit of courage and to be good at self-suggestion and mind control. And when firing, you needed to maintain accuracy towards the target even amidst the tremendous noise of explosions, requiring the ability to make rational decisions. That is, to aim at the target correctly, you needed to analyze how to adjust the sight, and when firing a machine gun, sometimes even predict the trajectory of the bullets bouncing off the ground. I fired a machine gun.

And thankfully, I was born with damn pretty clever mind. (I was born with a high IQ. Of course, I believe genius is made, not born. And it's true.) My duty was related to firearms and mortars, but the actual duties assigned to me were threefold. One of them was naturally related to my major, and it wasn't particularly difficult. (It was related to my major, but the correlation wasn't direct.) But one of the other duties was honestly something I had never heard or seen in my life. To acquire it, I had to study a small book or two of theory. (Compared to textbooks in the college I learned, it was really child's play.) Yet, I had no difficulty acquiring that theory while faithfully performing my duties related to my major and firearms. It felt like my brain was soaring brilliantly towards the sky. In a new environment, I freely utilized my intellectual abilities. Around that time, I was also doing daily study lights and, as mentioned before, steadily studying English and Go. The daily exercise was, of course, indispensable. I mastered the theory and acquired all the firearms, mortars and machine gun without missing any. To have accomplished so much and still be healthily discharged to continue my path is genuinely something I'm thankful for. I'm extremely thankful.